38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes ", "This round is all about the ancient art of communication. Or they can climb up to the top of the mighty tower of the Shell Centre to enjoy a panoramic vista right across half of London. Highlights from recent series of the perennial antidote to panel games. Stephen Frys Countryside joke was first aired on 13 April 2002, not on 4 February 2010; and Lionel Blair didnt host Give Us a Clue, but was a team captain. He also said he had never been so proud as when fellow jazzman George Melly, probably the filthiest raconteur ever to have scandalised an audience, claimed to be shocked at what Humph was getting away with. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy panel game. Its not every duck that becomes President. She tells me she's got a man coming round who's keen to inspect her . After countryside, the second most legendary piece of smut is probably a report of Samanthas visit to a gastropub where she didnt fancy the landlords sausage but said shed really like his tongue in cider. ", "Nottingham is also famous for its links with football, and Notts County is proud to be the oldest team in the English leaguebut they hope soon to buy some younger players. 30. Sometimes I wondered if producer Jon Naismith and I took too much advantage of his easygoing insouciance. During the pandemic lockdowns, Clue was included in an emergency list of shows chosen by the then director general, Tony Hall, to cheer people up. This article was amended on 11 and 13 April 2022. Weve always tried to do the show, says Garden, as if there were quite a severe BBC censor still in existence and we were obliged to get in the dirty jokes through innuendo rather than saying the words directly. 'Wait while someone comes on with piece of cardboard.'". but couldnt manage three Shredded Wheat, Fifteen men on a dead mans chest. In fact, I have a cutting here from Jazz Monthly magazine, written by their top reviewer. "Dear Mr. Rees, I understand you're looking for suggestions for your 'Quote, Unquote' programme. ", "While Samantha nips out to warm up her little Morris", Samantha has to nip out now as she's got a new job working in the sound archive as the manager. "The antidote to panel games", I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy show. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Box Set Of 6 CD's Used. The main difference was that, as a panel game, they didn't need to write any . Yes never mind all that, Sir, blow into this please, Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?. Even now the authorities regularly uncover unstable cases carrying decaying material which have to be handled with the greatest of care. Opportunity Knocks said it was the worst novelty drag act they'd ever had on the show. 21 of Rhod Gilberts funniest jokes and one-liners Clued up Im Sorry I Havent a Clue historic innuendo star Stephen Fry, chair Jack Dee and late-lamented regular Victoria Wood. 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes ", "What happens in Manchester today happens in the rest of the world tomorrow. 105 of the best bad jokes I wish theyd take my advice and run their trains on time with enough seats on them for all the poor bastards whove bought tickets from them., Dear Guinness Book of World Records: I have a collection of six Guinness Book of World Records. (modern). Are these jokes too smutty for Radio 4? She says she's got an expert handler coming round to give a demonstration. We are no longer accepting comments on this article. 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians Following a great roar of appreciation at the introduction of a favourite round, he once told the audience: "Now go off and invade Czechoslovakia." The show is introduced as "The Antidote to Panel Games" and consists of a panel of four comedians, split into two teams and "given silly things to do" by a chairman. His job was to read it. How true. Clue also survived the technical challenge of lockdown recordings on Zoom. Beloved comedian and writer Barry Cryer has passed away at the age of 86. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy panel game. The teams take it in turns to sing various lines in order to make up a the verses of a madrigal. 17 of Ken Dodds most ingeniously funny jokes I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: smuttiest jokes As BBC Radio 4 agrees not to tone down I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, here are some of the show's smutty Samantha jokes over the past four decades . She goes in every night to put him on downstairs, and then pulls him off on the landing. ", "Close by is Wycombe Air Park. Missed ISIHAC on Monday so I only got to hear the latest Lionel Blair joke at lunchtime. Schindler Goes To Ryman's, Buys A Biro And A Notebook, Freud-Grown Tomatoes at the Weasel's Top Cafe, The Reigning Pain Stays Mainly on the Plane, Learn how and when to remove this template message, https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=I%27m_Sorry_I_Haven%27t_a_Clue&oldid=3242984, "Samantha tell us she has to nip off now to see her gentleman beautician friend now, who has a leg hair treatment for her. They continue until the Chairman blows his horn. Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, North Wales, Dear David Dickinson, I can sum up why the BBC have your programme on TV every night in three words: Cheap As Chips. I found it very frustrating. Its an approach that has captured in the shows single most celebrated one-liner. One of the first women to, as the show might put it, hold her own was Jan Ravens. "Before I nip out with Samantha for a time honoured blow on the seafront.., "Samantha tells me it's time to let her whippet out., "While Samantha nips out to enjoy a mouthful of Jacob's, "So as Samantha heads off to the Highland games to admire the contestants in the caber competition, and perhaps have a go at tossing one or two herself", Samantha has to nip out now with her new gentleman friend. again, so he's had to come on his bike. How did Blair take this weekly misrepresentation of his sexuality? He often said that the others on the show were professional comedians, so why would he, a trumpeter, try to compete? Well loved celebrities include Alan Bennett, and Barry Cryer used to know his milkman. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (2008 TV Movie) Humphrey Lyttelton: Self - Host Showing all 17 items Jump to: Quotes (17) Quotes Humphrey Lyttelton : Incidentally, Colin's piano playing is widely believed by faith healers to hold miraculous powers. "Dear Rolf, Here's a handy hint: When you put the cat out, always use a high-quality fire extinguisher.". 70. Any chance of a signed photo for my grandson Dyno-Rod Emergency Hotline Trellis?, Dear Mr. Gadaffi, You must be very proud. 'We're not your enemies!' The inimitable Humphrey Lyttelton is in the chair for these 25 hilarious editions (including the very first episode from 1972) plus two volumes of vintage 'Live' recordings (ad libs, retakes, warm-ups and all), a 35th anniversary special edition, and I'm Sorry I Haven't . 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny Your new spectacles have arrived and are ready for collection. Many featured the escapades of the show's fictional scorer, the lovely Samantha. Orbison, of course, was nicknamed 'The Big O', and in turn, he affectionately referred to Colin as 'That Little C'", "Piano accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell, who tells me that his musical influences are Middle-Eastern in origin mostly Shi'ite!". ", "Samantha has to nip out now as she is meeting her new zookeeper gentleman friend. Very well, let's move on.". She says he's looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van. Another bumper collection of classic fun and games from one of BBC Radio 4's best-loved and most enduring comedy panel games. It's easy to understand why this change was resisted so fiercely by the people of Scunthorpe. I have no clue what you guys are talking about half the time, but I love the enthusiasm. Yours Sincerely, Mrs. Trellis. The 72nd series of the multi award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. Started by Jemble Fred, May 26, 2005, 02:52:40 PM. Reaction to BBC Radio Comedy is incredibly subjective, but I'm afraid I found tonight's episode (kicking off a new run) pretty feeble. 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips 2012 Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Willie Rushton, Iain Patterson, Jeremy Hardy and Jon Naismith. It's her first day, so apparently she's going to give a speech in the back room and hand jobs out in the office. This page was last edited on 1 February 2023, at 00:16. Moment commuter blasts eco-zealots, Moment bull suffers catastrophic injuries after leaping from bridge, Russian freight train derails and bursts into flames after explosion, Royal superfans camping on The Mall ahead of King's Coronation, Historic chairs to be reused by the King for the coronation service, Women's rights activists and pro-trans campaigners separated, Saboteurs wreck Russian train cut power cables 37mi from Ukraine, Cambridge students party in the park during annual celebrations, Devastating tornado picks up car and hurls it through air in Florida, Student kicked out of school for 'there are only two genders' t-shirt, Unseen footage of Meghan Markle during her teenage years, Hundreds of Household Division members rehearse for coronation. So that's answered your next question. 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes Sun 19 Oct 2008 19.01 EDT. His attitude was that the writing of the script wasn't his job. She particularly enjoys a rewarding poke in the country section. I can tell by your face that stuff really does do exactly what it says on the tin., Dear Mr. President: What were the chances of someone called Mr. President actually getting that job? ", "Piano accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell, a man who doesn't know the meaning of "disharmony". Although Blair was heterosexual, his camp manner and balletic skills seeded a game of radio mime in which the punchlines alluded to gay sex. List of Games On I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - Late Arrivals (at A Society Ball) Late Arrivals (at A Society Ball) . I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a half-hour comedy programme, billed as "the antidote to panel games". Many come here and pay a few pounds to enjoy an uninterrupted 45 minute viewing of London and the Thames as they wait for their Connex train to finally crawl off Hungerford Bridge. He also has problems with the words "stop", "that", "dreadful" and "racket". Veteran comedian and unflinching miseryguts Jack Dee is set to embark on his first stand-up tour for six years. Is there a farm shop?, My locals rough as anything. While being mocked by the others for his age and incompetence at trying to read a tricky retake, he stopped, gazed to the side for a moment, squinted, and asked: "Has the man in the end bed died?" In what way is it a farm? He really should use a stronger denture fixative if he's going to blow that hard. 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke Will Somebody Shut Those Bloody Lambs Up? (modern), Humph 'It didn't even occur to him that he was funny. ", "While Samantha nips out to enjoy a mouthful of Jacob's", "Samantha has just returned from congratulating a local builder friend who successfully bid for a contract this week. Even though I was responsible for what I like to describe as "post-feminist irony" (known in the comedy business as "knob gags"), I was sometimes equally amazed by what we asked Humph to try to get away with. Barry was Old School; in his stand up act he told jokes. He'll carefully take out her 38 bees and soon have them flying round his head. . 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Humphrey Lyttelton chairs the perennial antidote to panel games, The antidote to panel games. So I think the BBC leaned on us. Condition: Very Good Very Good. Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue's funniest definitions to make you smile this Christmas Credit: Shutterstock The tongue-in-cheek take on the English language was introduced on Radio. Dear Moses, Just to let you know the jet ski is now in stock. Aren't they a bunch of bastards, all that finger up the. Lazy cow hasnt even taken her milk in for a fortnight!, Try saying: Whale Oil Beef Hooked without sounding like an Irish man swearing., One of my friends went on a murder weekend now he is doing life for it., A sewage farm. " Humph In Wonderland " was a Christmas special. Jack Dee chairs the 75th series of the show. 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes All-night sitting I shouldnt have had those oysters. It would have been more, but the chain kept falling off his bike. 30 of Michael McIntyres best jokes and funniest one-liners Graeme Garden, who devised the show, is surprised by its longevity. "Dear Mrs Lawley, Here's an idea: How about a celebrity version of 'Desert Island Disks'? Fegan also relays that the club has . 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny) The show launched in April 1972 as a parody of radio and TV more More I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue quotes Collection Edit Buy Humphrey Lyttelton: These days, we only really know Colin for his work at the piano, but as a young lad he cut his teeth on the harmonica until his teacher explained that he wasn't supposed to chew it. (Humphrey Lyttleton's final joke on the show, recorded shortly before his death in April 2008), "You'll be accompanied by Colin Sell on the piano. Incidentally, we were all surprised to hear that Colin has recently been standing in for Oasis. And at the Naturistss Ball, please welcome, if you will: Mr and Mrs Gleebits and their son, Dan, From Poland, Mr and Mrs Vestov and their very keen daughter, Eva, The Right Honorable Mr Knott-Snowing and his lovely daughter, Gladys. The multi award-winning comedy panel game, chaired by Jack Dee. 2 days until dreams become reality. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue has been delighting fans since 1972. In 2005, when Garden and Naismith made plans for the first live tour (partly to supplement the paltry Radio 4 fees), the BBC tried to stop them, claiming copyright until legal advice said that neither the BBC nor Garden owned the show, which was not a format, but a series of formats. There was something about Samantha and cheesemaking - 'putting big blue veins in her Carephilly'. To order a copy for 15.99 (incl p&p) call 0843 382 0000. As the worldwide economic crisis marches on, the contestants offer a selection of low-budget remakes of famous films and television shows: Harry Potter And The Paul Daniels Magic Set. ', Youre not helping to save the planet by sending e-cards instead of the real thing because every time I receive one I go out and cut down a tree., Have taken Southern Rails advice and carried a bottle of water with me in the hot weather. The comedian was a stalwart on BBC Radio 4's popular panel game 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue'. Perhaps encouraging complaints about schoolboy humour was the fact that despite the early inclusion of Jo Kendall the stand-out panellists were for a long time blokes. I was aware, when I started Clue, that it was a case of: Wed better get some women on, but there was no sense of making me feel unwelcome or awkward. After a set-piece game, he might say: "'If that dies on its arse, make them do another one.' Here are some of the funnyman's most hysterically glum jokes: "I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs - like custom officers. 35 of Blackadders most cunning quips and insults But, in 2008, after Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand broadcast an offensive phone call to the actor Andrew Sachs, the BBC introduced layers of compliance management. Let's move on. I said were gonna invade Tie Rack. From I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, 1995. "Piano accompaniment will be provided by Co "But, I hear you ask, what possible use could there be for a dummy with two left hands? I love it when you get four or five days of hot weather, because then people in Kent run out of water, dont they? He lays ribbons of sticky wax paper on her thighs and then lets them dry. At recordings of Clue, even I could forget there was a script. "Stand by Me" to the tune of the William Tell Overture (Paul Merton) 31. All quotes are by Humphrey Lyttelton unless otherwise stated. Thanks for that nugget . ", "Hang on - what do you mean you write his scripts?". In fact, I don't think anyone ever did complain. Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes Perennial antidote to panel games. Someone in middle management says: Im not so sure about this line, then someone else isnt sure, either.. ", "Accompaniment here will be provided by Colin Sell at the piano. Humph redefined the role of the comedy panel game chairman. 'Risky, rude, brilliantly written and superbly performed' The Judges, Sony Radio Academy Award This second treasury contains over 30 hilarious editions of the awar d-winning 'antidote to panel games', first published as I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue Volumes 1 0 to 15, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue . Under I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue's founding compere, the late Humphrey Lyttleton, the Samantha jokes were widely recognised as masterpieces of wordplay and innuendo, but current host,. In which the teams introduce the guests arriving at a society ball, this time from the construction industry: Will you welcome please, Mr and Mrs Cotter-Tiling and their son, Terry, And from Ireland, Mr and Mrs ODoors and their son, Paddy, Mr and Mrs Antilers and their son Rufus, Mr and Mrs Loadabricks and their son Laurie, Mr and Mrs Duz-Merchants and their son, Bill. I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE. ", "It's well documented in official records that the City's original name was 'Snottingham', or 'Home of Snots', but when the Normans came, they couldn't pronounce the letter 'S', so decreed the town be called 'Nottingham' or the 'Home of Notts'. Barry and I worked together for 50 years on I'm Sorry I Havent A Clue, and our gleeful spin off You'll Have Had Your Tea with Hamish and Dougal. One of the best to date. Suddenly, we had all these people people listening over the shows, says Naismith. But, in 2008,. Lyttelton's Britain: A User's Guide to the British Isles As Heard On BBC Radio's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, by Iain Pattinson, is published by Preface. ", "Oh wait a minute, I've goofed. Burt Reynolds greatest quotes remembering the actors wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 You can imagine how things were livened up in that turkey abbatoir. I don't think I was meant to read that bit." ", "You'll be accompanied on the piano by Colin Sell, one of the finest musicians of the dayof course, when night comes, something seems to desert him. Dear Arch Druid of Wiltshire, You are hereby advised that planning permission has been denied for the erection of a large henge of stone. When Humphrey Lyttelton was alive, and I'd meet fans of Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, and they discovered I wrote his scripts, the conversation would invariably . Sit down, Madam." There is a paradox in that although many listeners didn't realise Humph had a written script in front of him, they were nonetheless happy to accept that he clearly didn't understand what he was reading. When I am asked how a comedy writer is inspired to write new jokes every week, there is a pat answer: I get up and sit down at my computer with a cup of strong coffee. ", "Now listeners will be surprised to hear that pop legend Cliff Richard once insisted that Colin played in The Shadows but then, he's not a pretty sight in broad daylight. "", "Incidentally, Colin's first TV appearance was when he played the mouth organ in Black Lace. Most comedy performers prefer to have some involvement in the writing process. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue is just a small part of BBC Radio 4's long proud history of gentle comedy with added smut. Panel Game (according to the introduction, "the antidote to panel games") broadcast on BBC Radio 4 and the "classic radio" station BBC 7. . However, she finds that if she butters him up properly she can sometimes get him to splash out." ", "Samantha has to nip out now as she has a new gentleman friend. Something wrong there. There's also Barrow-in-Furness which involves burning garden implements, Sellafield, where the object is to try to flog off a plot of contaminated land, and of course we musn't forget Broadstairs, a game for people who are too fat to use the lift. I can tell by your face that stuff really does do exactly what it says on the tin. Thank Goodness he wasn't traveling to Nanking. However, given the graphic nature of the sexual acts that were "inadvertently" described, that is at least borderline disingenuous. Sincerely, Specsavers, The High Street, Hastings. 16K views, 567 likes, 121 loves, 6 comments, 33 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Iglesia Portal Campestre: Has the i.m.p.o.r.t.a.n.t clue of the case been discovered by Rex 'Who will ever forget Lionel Blair, exhausted and on his knees, finishing off An Officer and a Gentleman in under two minutes'. He had no future comedy career to worry about. Wordplay and innuendo are a large part of the show's humour. During his silent, solitary pre-show read-through in a dingy corner of the theatre, I would occasionally spot him scribbling notes when he discovered a typo or a grammatical error. Did anyone say Mornington Crescent? ", "Samantha nearly made it - she's been detained at the last minute in the city's Latin quarter. He spent 4 days holding up a dried arrangement at the Chelsea Flower Show. Mayhew-Archers view is that we were able to get away with jokes in Clue that other shows couldnt because Graeme and Tim [Brooke-Taylor of The Goodies] and the others were revered. ", "Some experts believe that it might take its title from a town in Ireland, which is generally associated with meaningless nonsense. Then he pointed up to the circle and said: "I was only joking. ", "I am assured that piano accompaniment is required for this round, and it appears that Colin Sell is unexpectedly available to provide it.
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